Have you ever had a story in your head that you wanted to share? A story you were convinced was worth telling, without having to ever justify it to anyone? These pages contain my version of that story, as it gradually unfolds.

Follow it from the start, subscribe to receive the latest updates via e-mail, or just dive into the latest slice below. It's up to you.

 Monday, June 16, 2008

7 - the door

Angus Cooper looked at Ross Andrews, then glanced over at the oak branch Erica had focused on moments before. "Tell me, why did you choose her?"

"Because we thought she'd fail.”

"And why do you think she hasn't?"

"Well, it seems Miss Gimbal has more of a sense of misplaced optimism than I imagined. For some reason, everyone thinks they can change the world at some stage. I'm lucky to have outgrown this, much like I imagine you have, but not everyone is lucky. It's such a pity really, if only she realised how much more she has to gain by learning to be flexible."

Andrews stood up and placed his palms on the table, leaning over as if to tell a secret. His eyes narrowed as he focused his gaze on Cooper. "I used the word 'flexible' because we both understand its meaning. You realise, of course, that neither myself nor the sponsors would ideally want the situation to be this way, but we understand that it has to be. Even though I'm a fan of optimism...", he smiled broadly, "...hell, optimism is what got me to where I am - there comes a time when you have to realise that thinking in that direction can be foolish." He looked down at the dark polished surface of the table, so shiny he could almost make out his chin in the reflection.

"Of course, and now is no time to be foolish. When did he first contact you?"

"Three weeks ago. I received a printed note in a large brown envelope, with only my name on the front. I felt like I was in a spy movie, cloak and dagger stuff, you know? To be honest, I thought it was some kind of prank at first. I asked Alexandra to find out where it came from, but she was just as much in the dark as I was. Apparently some mysterious character had handed it to her in the hallway. Before she could ask him who he was, he'd turned around and walked out the door. I wouldn't say I'm surprised now, but back then it struck me as very odd. I mean, it's not like this is MI5 headquarters!" Andrews chuckled loudly and shook his head.

Cooper got up from his chair and leaned an arm on the backrest. "I got the same. Only, no one got a look at whoever delivered my copy. I just found it on my desk."

Both men were silent for a few moments. Cooper looked up with an inquisitive tilt of his head. "Was yours..."

"Yes, very much so."

Cooper burst into a rambunctious laugh, slapping his hand on his knee. "My friend, it looks like we were both in the right place at the right time. That's luck for you!"

"Indeed! And what's life without a little luck? When such an opportunity crosses one's path, seizing it is the only sensible thing to do. What did that golfer say about making one's one luck? Actually, does it really matter?"

"Hah, no, it doesn't! What matters is that we live in a world where those who learn to roll with the punches can decide their own fate. I tell you what: I'm damned happy that there's someone else out there smart enough to realise what a load of crap this project was from the get-go. Sure, there's always that 'let's make the world a better place' bullshit, but as you said, people outgrow that. Why they don't outgrow it sooner is beyond me. People are deluded, I tell you."

Both men were now standing. Both were smiling broadly, shaking their heads in turn, as if they couldn't quite believe the state of affairs. Cooper turned first to head towards the door, with Andrews pushing his chair in and following just behind him. As he turned the knob and pulled it open, a flash of light greeted him. His body thrown violently backwards, he collided with Andrews in mid air, and both men were tossed through the window, breaking the centre pillar of the wooden frame in the process. Cooper felt a numbing sensation of silence as he fell towards the concrete walkway below, then there was nothing.

 Wednesday, June 04, 2008

6 - the foyer

SGPD. Smaller lettering below the bold black signage read 'Special Geological Projects Department'. The building was fairly neat, but not maintained like a corporate headquarters would be. An average government building, by most standards. What always surprised Erica was how solidly constructed many buildings from the 1970s were, especially government offices. Liberal use of sandstone and polished granite made the corners and pillars of the entrance seem surely anchored to the ground, with a sense of imperviousness to the masses of people that were usually so common to anything official. She looked at the glint of the granite - paint was such a short-lived and frivolous finish in comparison.

The Mercedes turned in towards the security booms, the guard opening immediately, not looking like he cared much. For all he knew, the black vehicle with its tinted windows could have contained a group of armed robbers. Then again, he knew that people talked about dirt in this place, so what could a robber - or any criminal for that matter - possibly want with dirt?

Erica stepped out into the midday light and walked up the stairs. She looked back to see the grey-suited man carrying the reinforced aluminium case a few steps behind her. Briskly pushing through the rotating doors, she was greeted by a young lady smiling politely, looking as if she had been expecting her for some time.

"Good afternoon Miss Gimbal. My name is Alexandra Fornay, I'm Mr Andrews' new assistant. Will you follow me please?"

"Hi Alexandra. Nice to meet you."

Alexandra turned around and headed over a worn-out carpet towards a wide flight of stairs leading one floor up.

"Excuse me Alexandra, but will Dr Kleinman be joining us?"

"I'm afraid not, there was no mention of him in Mr Andrews' meeting request." They were on the first floor now. "I'm not sure if you've met Dr Cooper before, he's waiting for you with Mr Andrews."

"No. I haven't." Erica frantically scrolled through her mental contact list, trying to find some recollection of the name.

Alexandra knocked on one of the twin doors of the boardroom, pushed it open and politely held it for Erica to enter. Ross Andrews and Angus Cooper sat across from each other at a massive French-polished mahogany table, both turning towards her as she walked in. Angus Cooper. The cover of Popular Mechanics magazine, three months ago. Instantly, Erica recalled the entire article he'd written about peak oil and how he'd discounted solar energy as highly uneconomical and unviable. She remembered having read his summary of the supposed facts, with a conspicuous absence of all the empirical studies her colleagues had done. At the time, she was disgusted, and dismissed his article as popular rhetoric. She thought nothing more of it after having fumed for a few minutes. Now however, he was right there. She couldn't dismiss him any more.

"Ah. Welcome Erica!" Ross Andrews was a jovial man, evidenced by his shape. He was what one could refer to as 'rotund', with a thin moustache, narrow eyes and a neck that folded over his collar at the back. He smiled politely, immediately standing up. "So glad you could join us! I'd like to introduce you to Dr Angus Cooper, our new head of research."

Angus Cooper stood up, smiling broadly as he did so. He looked at Erica, clearly moving his gaze up and down her body before making direct eye contact. Erica knew immediately that she was correct in the summary she'd made of his character after reading the article. "Pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Gimbal. I've been following your work quite closely these last couple of months. How are you finding the desert? Terrible place, isn't it?"

"Pleased to meet you too, Dr Cooper." She smiled faintly. "I like to think that the only terrible place is one where there's no progress. The desert is not such a place, fortunately."

"Mr Andrews tells me that you have a new set of data available. It's always good to move towards some sort of goal, keeps one out of trouble at the very least!"

"Yes, I have." She gently put her laptop bag down on the table, taking out a sturdy-looking silver external hard drive enclosure. "May I?"

"Erica, before we continue, let's quickly unpack the broader project." Ross Andrews looked like he was trying to smile. "Please, have a seat." He gestured towards a chair next to Dr Cooper. Erica looked at him for a split-second before pulling the chair out and perching herself on its tip.

"Just to get you up to speed, we've involved Dr Cooper in an advisory role to assist with the project goals, timelines and current progress. Now as you'll know, we've been looking at ways of reducing the escalating costs of continuing to fund your exploration, bearing in mind of course the fact that your milestone deadlines have been pushed out several times." Angus Cooper stared blankly at the wall behind Ross Andrews. "Now, of course our standpoint is always that of accommodation, and we're naturally anxious to reach the initial project goals - to be able to classify the project as a success."

"If your problem lies with the milestone deadlines, I'd like to use the current data..." Angus Cooper turned towards Erica with a look of attempted empathy. Before she could continue, Ross Andrews put his palm on the polished surface and let out a pronounced cough.

"Miss Gimbal, I'm going to be blunt. With Dr Cooper's assistance, we've been able to determine that your current avenue of research is neither scientifically feasible, nor economically viable." He cleared his throat loudly. "So, the board has come to a decision to suspend funding as of yesterday."

"But as you'll see, my latest data solves a whole list of..."

"With all due respect Ms Gimbal, as much as we'd like to accommodate you, I don't have a mandate to negotiate."

"Then, who has?" Erica moved forward on her chair, almost lifting herself off the tip to stand up.

"I can understand your frustration, but unfortunately the board has already come to a decision."

Erica shook her head slowly and sighed. "Do you mean to tell me that this is it?" She looked at a tree branch just outside one of the windows, then turned to Ross Andrews. "With all due respect to you Ross, do you have any idea of the implications of my latest data? Do you realise what a breakthrough could mean, what the scale of the problems solved will be? Excuse me if I sound emotional, but do you know how this could change the world?"

Angus Cooper smiled faintly at Erica. "Miss Gimbal, I've studied your data, and to be honest I do not think that you have anything close to viable here. It's a pipe dream, any scientist with any credibility knows that what you're saying is possible, really isn't. Don't you think it would be to your advantage to rather stop pursuing this now while we give you the chance, instead of ruining your reputation and career in the process? You're still young, you have such a bright future ahead of you, why risk it all now? Besides, we can offer you a position with a handsome compensation package in the compliance department, what do you say?"

Erica stood up and placed her palms squarely on the table. "I say this: without so much as an ounce of doubt, I can tell that you do not realise what you are doing. I will find an alternative. Good day."

Before either of the two men could reply, Erica grabbed the removable drive and bag, and walked straight towards the boardroom door. As she flung it open, she walked past a desk to her right, picked up the aluminium case and headed towards the stairs. Reaching the door to the outside, she looked down at the label on the case. '63'.

The rocky path had started.

 Sunday, June 01, 2008

5 - rotors

The hum of the Cessna's propeller always reminded Erica of her first flying lesson. It was like a thunderous symphony from above was unleashed when her father fired up the engine that first time, years earlier, before she had any ambitions of soaring like an eagle herself. She was 5 years old, and it scared her in a startling way, even though her father had leaned across and smiled as he brought the beast to life. It was only a few flights later that she started feeling comfortable enough to start prodding him about when she'd be able to take the controls herself. She remembered how he looked at her with pride when she politely asked, even though the only realistic answer he could give was "soon angel, soon".

Now, as she banked across the first signs of vegetation below her, Erica let her mind soak in the hum for a different reason. It reminded her that she was in control of something, that the engine was doing what she told it to do. She thought back to the weeks before, to how it felt for days like nothing was doing what she wanted it to. On several occasions, she had lowered her face into her hands and held it there for what felt like hours, not wanting to see what was in front of her, knowing that it wasn't something she wanted to see. She had completed each test with the same amount of expectation as the very first one. With the same amount of precision. Somehow, it didn't seem to make any difference. The results were always the same.

9000 feet below her, the crisscrossed lines of civilisation had become visible. Civilisation. The word sounded odd, almost as if it was meant to be some sort of reassurance that things were under control. It always reminded Erica of the history books she'd lost herself in as a teenager, of stories about masses of people following a cause they didn't understand, wiping themselves out in the process. She'd spent sleepless nights wondering whether it was arrogant to assume - or even just presume - that people really didn't understand. It felt as if presumption could make her the short sighted one. Did they believe in what they were fighting for, or did they believe because they simply wanted to believe in something? She rolled her shoulders backwards to relieve a slight tension in her neck, then pushed forward to point the nose of the Cessna down and left. As the lines of civilisation became thicker, Erica looked back into the tail of the aircraft, at the carefully packed boxes James had loaded two hours earlier. She smiled. Whatever had happened in the weeks before would hopefully be irrelevant by the end of the day. It had to be. If it wasn't, there would be no paved road ahead - just a rocky path. She liked rocky paths, but travelling along one which could end on the edge of a cliff with no way back was not an ideal scenario by any of her calculations.

The Cessna's tyres complained slightly as they greeted the tarmac. Compared to the makeshift landing strip in the desert, the airfield seemed almost too forced. The dark grey of the runway was harsh on her eyes, like it didn't belong to the world she knew. It always took Erica a couple of days to adjust to the colours of the city after having spent some time in the desert. The dusty hues of the sand gave her a sense of calm that she somehow hadn't found anywhere else. It was not that she didn't like the city. Just that it felt that the city sapped more of her energy than it gave back. With every trip, adjustment back to the never ending noise and movement made her realise just how little need she really had for bustle. Right now, as she stepped into the hangar and walked towards the waiting vehicle, this fact was obvious.

"Good afternoon Miss Gimbal. Let me help you carry that."

He was dressed in a dark grey suit. A neat suit, but not a comfortable suit. For some reason, government officials never looked comfortable in their suits, she thought.

"Thank you. Sorry I'm a little late, there was an unexpected storm I had to find a way around."

"Not a problem Miss Gimbal, Mr Andrews made provision for a possible delay and cleared his afternoon meeting schedule for you."

"OK. Well, that's good to hear." She tried to look unfazed, hiding her smile as best she could.

The box with tubes packed safely into the Mercedes, Erica slid into her seat and buckled her seatbelt. They pulled briskly away and out of the hangar, uneventfully passing through the gates leading out of the airfield. The acceleration heading onto the highway was perceptible, not anxious, but purposeful.

"Oh, just one thing. Do you know if Mr Andrews invited Dr Kleinman to the meeting as well?"

"I wouldn't know, Miss, I'm sorry."

"OK, no problem."

Erica pushed back into the headrest and closed her eyes for a second. As she opened them, she drew a deep breath, then tried to exhale as slowly as she could to steady her heart rate.